Thanks so much for visiting us during our journey, Steve, Heather, Ed, Joe, Emily, Hana, Zeke and Samuel!
Sorry it’s taken a few days to post, but we are home and have finally gotten our computers working. For some reason our home computer must be upset about our very long absence and was all messed up. It’s fixed now, though, and we’re ready to tell you about our long journey home.
Our trip home was memorable. Our first flight was only 35 minutes and Sam already had an attitude brewing. He was not happy about seat belts and wasn’t going to wear them. Needless to say, he did wear his seat belt, but his unhappiness was apparent. He also didn’t like that he couldn’t have his tray down during take-off.
Our second flight was about 12 hours and that was the really memorable one. You know what you have to do when you get on an airplane? Yep! Fasten your seat belt. Sam was not happy. He must have unbuckled that seat belt 100 times on that flight. Steve or I buckled it back 100 times. He didn’t like his headphones. He didn’t like the movies. You name it, he didn’t like it. We tried to get him to communicate with us, but he refused.
There are some people in the world who don’t like things and hide those feelings. There are others who don’t like things and will make sure everyone knows it. Sam, on that second flight, was the latter. Have we mentioned tantrums yet? Well, Sam had several on that flight. The last tantrum, complete with wailing and crying at the top of his lungs, kicking, hitting, and trying to bite us, lasted about 45 minutes to an hour. During this time he covered his eyes or ears so he couldn’t communicate. Well, we tag-teamed and basically pinned that boy so he couldn’t move. For 45 minutes he tried to hit, kick, bite, and cover his eyes, but could not move one muscle – we are good at pinning an 11 year old boy. After what seemed an eternity, he finally pooped out and relaxed and got quiet. We let go of him and he slumped down in his seat (note his seatbelt was on). Steve took him by one arm and one leg and basically slammed him upright into his seat, in a loving way of course, and for the remainder of the flight that boy was sitting upright and was a model passenger.
Have you ever been on a plane with behavior like this going on? Well, we didn’t much care that he was making a scene, but this one Chinese flight attendant was very concerned. She kept wanting to do things to make Sam happy. Steve kept waving her away and finally, as respectfully as he could, told her to basically get lost (not in those words). Our feeling was that what we were seeing was basically bad behavior and a power struggle. Sam was telling us that we were not in charge and he was not going to obey us. The seatbelt was the catalyst, and given that we had turbulence for a good portion of the flight, the seatbelt had to be fastened. News for Sam: We were in charge and Sam would not win this battle, regardless of how much noise he made or flailing he did.
Now, back to the story. We got off the plane and Heather had Sam by the arm as if to remind him, “You’re staying with me son.” We made our way through immigration, got our luggage and made it through customs. At that point we stopped at the restroom so we could all make pit stops, then found the place to eat that we had eaten at prior to leaving for China. We had a 4 hour layover and decided we’d have a good meal, relax and catch our last flight.
Since our struggle on the airplane, Sam had been the most cooperative boy you could hope for, however, we weren’t in the mood for any more problems. Thus, we were being very firm with Sam and not giving him an inch. We think he knew we were pretty angry about his behavior during the previous two flights. Anyway, Heather asked Sam what he wanted to eat. He indicated that he wasn’t hungry. Heather, as compassionately as she could, got right in his face, and told him he would eat (because of his tantrums he missed two out of three meals on the plane). Needless to say, he obeyed and ate.
We also took the opportunity of our stop in San Francisco to call our friend Cynthia back in Albuquerque. We explained to her what had been happening on the flights, especially the long one from Hong Kong, and asked if she could speak with Sam and find out what the problem was. We also asked that she impress upon him that he was our son, he was to obey, and that we basically weren’t going to put up with this type of behavior. We believe he already had figured that out when he had time to think while we had him pinned in his seat, but it’s never a bad idea to reiterate these concepts. Anyway, he basically said the seatbelt was too tight and he didn’t like it. Other than that, he was fine. We have to add that his seatbelt was not too tight, but any more nonsense out of him and we would have cinched it right up. It’s hard to believe that anyone could have fought and struggled for hours over a seat belt. Boggles the mind.
Well, we have to say that Sam was a model passenger on our last flight. In fact, he was the most compliant seatbelt wearer possibly in the history of flight. Also, when we got into the car at the airport, guess who was the first one to have his seat belt on?
We got home, after about 2 hours of sleep over the course of 25 hours of travel. A major breakthrough occurred when we got out of the car. Sam apologized to Heather for his behavior. He then walked over to Steve and apologized to him. For us, that was a major accomplishment. Sam has done great since we’ve gotten home. He and the kids went outside that first night and had a snowball fight. He got hit in the face and no tantrum. They all fed the animals together. Then we had a pleasant dinner, followed by a couple of hours of “Uno Attack” and working on a puzzle.
Thursday was another good day, Steve and I took Sam into town to speak to our friend, Cynthia, for 2 hours. There was a lot of discussion, ironing out of any concerns, and setting down the rules of what we expect. The rest of the day was spent playing outside, then inside for some games, and a nice evening.
We are home and things are good. The less than pleasant flight is a vague memory. We have experienced no jet leg at all. In fact, we’ve never really had much problem with jet leg, with only a day or two to recover and this time none of us, Joe and Sam included, experienced any that we can detect. Even going to China this time, we experienced no jet leg. We couldn’t ask for more than that.
We fully expect some bumps here and there, but Sam, overall, is doing well. We have had several days with really no problems. A couple of times we could tell Sam was getting upset over something, but we were able to work it out and diffuse the situation. Sam really likes Grandma, who lives with us, and goes out of his way to say, “Goodmorning Grandma,” every day. He generally seems to care about her. Similarly, he enjoys Hana and Zeke and likes being with Ed, Joe and Emily. We couldn’t ask for more at this point.
We’ve taken a firm approach with Sam from day one and we think it’s been the right approach. On a couple of occasions we knew he needed to be held and dealt with gently and caringly, and that was obvious; however, on other occasions we knew he needed guidance and discipline. We’re taking this one day at a time and striving to do the right things to enable Sam to transition into our family. We’re praying our way through all of this and appreciate others praying for us as we navigate this delicate maze we’re in. Sam is doing great and he has such potential and such a good heart.
Steve was commenting the other night, after the kids had all gone to bed, that we are in a situation where our only way to show Sam our beliefs is by our actions. How does one tell someone who speaks another language, and is from a totally different culture, about Jesus Christ and the message of salvation? We talked about this and about the words, “They’ll know we are Christians by our love.” Further, from John 13:34-35, “A new command I give you: Love one another, As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” Sam will know of our beliefs, that we are Christians, by our love of one another, and our treatment of one another. Our family is far from perfect and we mess up all the time, but here is an incredible reason to strive for what we’ve been commanded to do all the more. To communicate something so important as our beliefs, that we are Christians and what that means, to Sam. And now, as we are only days away from Christmas, we can share the celebration of the birth of Christ with Sam. What an incredible opportunity.
We are home and we are thankful to have our son, Samuel Zichang Allen, here with us. What a blessing he is and what a great addition he is to our family.
