On Sunday, two days ago, we finally arrived home in Santa Barbara. Luckily, Christopher loves his car seat. He basically views sitting in it as an excuse to take a nap - which we love. Figuring out the logistics of bringing Christopher in the house with our three dogs (who were ready to explode with excitement because we were home) was quite an event. We decided to keep Christopher outside while we each took turns going in the house to say hi to our dogs. Then we brought out each dog and took it for a walk with Christopher in his stroller. It went really well. Christopher was fine with it all, checking out each dog the whole way. After some additional juggling once we got everyone inside the house, we managed to get Christopher to bed at a relatively decent hour, although he had a pretty fitful sleep.
Christopher is adjusting really well but we have had one major issue. Christopher started to “attach” to Michael a bit too much. We first noticed it in China, and it became much more apparent when we got here. Christopher and I play and laugh and hug, but he started to follow Michael around like a little duckling, mimicking everything Michael was doing, and when he was tired he would cry whenever Michael left the room.
We’ve been told that it’s common for adopted Chinese children to attach to male figures over female figures. According to our guide, this happens because they can trust male figures more easily. Although females are typically the sole or primary caregivers, nannies, aunties, and foster moms may repeatedly enter their lives and then vanish. This pattern held up in our group as most of the kids that were adopted by the other families traveling with us gravitated towards the male figures. My being sick in China didn’t help things either since Michael ended up being alone with Christopher for more time then he normally would have. Plus, let’s face it Michael is a lot of fun.
We should probably also say here that the fact that Christopher can attach at all is a blessing. The hardest issue to deal when adopting is a child who has a hard time forming a bond with their parents because they have not or could not previously attach to anyone. Evidently, attachment is the foundation for much of normal personal development and our greatest fear was we would have to deal with this problem. So we are thrilled that he has the capacity to attach.
But according to our social worker, it is very important that adopted children attach to the mother so Michael and I decided to address this issue head on over the last couple days. We decided that I should basically spend all day with Christopher (sleep with him, feed him, bathe him, change his diapers, and play with him) while and Michael basically kept himself occupied with other things for much of the day instead of connecting with Christopher (Honestly, I don’t know if Michael would admit it but I think he really enjoyed having all that “quiet grown-up” time which included being able to read the Sunday New York Times and watch Monday night football).
I have also started up a routine where after breakfast I take Christopher for a creek side walk with our Bulldog Marty and after dinner he and I walk one of the other three dogs around the neighborhood. We are soooo happy to report that although I am exhausted, as of tonight this approach has been very successful. Michael has also been able to interact with Christopher in little bits and pieces and Christopher no longer cries when Michael leaves the room or the house (like tonight when he went to the UCSB basketball game). He is also being really affectionate with me and following me around the house like a duckling. It’s not easy because we would really like to be together as much as we can but we know how important this is. Fortunately, Christopher is learning fast so hopefully we won’t have to do this much longer.
The other good news is that Christopher is really starting to like the dogs, especially our Pit Bull Terrier, Lulu. Before Pit Bulls were raised to be fighting dogs, they were used as nanny dogs that watched over the kids. This is exactly what Lulu is like with Christopher. It is like she instinctively knew that he was a baby and instantly started to watch over him. Over the last couple weeks, I taught Christopher how to blow kisses and tonight he blew one to Lulu. He also laid his head on her back tonight when he was sleepy (with me watching very closely of course). Christopher was a bit more cautious of our 110 lb. Bulldog, Marty. He does have a very big head after all! Today though Christopher mustered up the courage to pet Marty a couple times (again, with we me watching very closely). The dogs are being really great with him. We are both so happy about that.
Every day just gets better and better. We got Christopher to eat peas yesterday after a bit of a tantrum; he loves chicken noodle soup; he whines much less before, during and after his meals; and he is going to sleep much easier. Now if he would just use the potty seat. We both feel very lucky and after an amazing trip to China we are very happy to be home. Tomorrow he will see the pediatrician for the first time.
(See pictures below) |
