Four and a half days until we are on our way home. So thankful.
We had a free day today. I am also thankful for that. We enjoyed a later breakfast than we have had (rushing to meet the guide at 8:15 a.m.) and I think we sat at the table extra long today. We walked the halls a little bit as we waited for our room to be cleaned and then settled in for a day of play in the room. Abraham is so good at playing! Then he had lunch and we settled in for nap time. That didn’t go so well…
Don’t let the façade fool you. Just because I have done this two times before doesn’t mean that I am any more prepared to watch my son show many signs of trusting me and then take two steps backward. It is heartbreaking. It rips me to the core. Admittedly – some of those feelings come from a very selfish place within me. But mostly – those feelings are a longing for this little boy to *know* that he is safe and sound. That he can trust me.
Please hear me – most of our day was like that. He really is amazing and is funny and silly.
I also know that this is not my life. This will not be his life. This is some weird, alternate world that we mostly just have to survive. I love this place. I love these people. But I must make it so clear – I am not on vacation. I am so blessed to have done some of the most memorable sightseeing that I have ever done on this trip – but every one of those events was tainted with a degree of stress: for Abe and for me.
So, I thought I was homesick yesterday, but I know that today I am truly there. Yesterday I missed my kids and my husband. I miss the hugs, the “nuggles” and the silly stories. I missed Austin’s birthday. But today I am homesick because I am longing for home. I long for the safety within those walls. The normalcy to pick up the phone and have a complete conversation. The ability to settle into a new normal – one that includes the adjustment of a little boy into a family. The pattern of predictability.
I will survive this. Heck – I want to thrive in this! I don’t want sympathy (necessarily), but I would take your prayers on behalf of this precious little boy and that God would give me wisdom in parenting him in these early days that I am single parenting.
Tomorrow we will go pick up his passport and spend the rest of the day packing and preparing for the flight to Guangzhou first thing on Tuesday morning.
1 Cor 4:16-18
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
stylin' in his KC Chiefs gear - for Daddy :)
eating some breakfast
walking the halls with Momma
morning snuggle
signing "more" (because grunting for more doesn't really get Momma's attention!)
